Jay Leno is a national institution in the good old US of A. Ever since receiving the baton from Johnny Carson in 1992, Leno has been a firm staple in first-rate American evening entertainment. Now, two decades on, NBC’s execs have deemed fit to replace the much beloved Leno with *stifles vomit* Jimmy Fallon, a man so bereft of charisma he couldn’t do Nick Hornby justice (not that Fever Pitch needed a remake anyway). 

Fallon may have a firm fanbase (almost entirely because of his SNL work which was never particularly brilliant anyway), but considering he still hasn’t quite mastered the art of reading from the teleprompter or delivering show-starting monologues, one can’t help but feel baffled that anybody would put real confidence in him as the successor of someone as iconic as Leno.

Leno expressed his anger live on air, ultimately pissing off NBC’s own Robert Greenblatt:

You know the whole legend of St. Patrick, right? St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland - and then they came to the United States and became NBC executives.

Perhaps not the classiest move by Leno, but still more entertaining and watchable than The Tonight Show will be in his absence from Fall 2014.

On September 14, 2011, Johnny Foreigner made a blog post that involved a plan to cut down on piracy of their next album, Johnny Foreigner Vs. Everything, set for release that October. Their idea was simple: make the album more difficult to find online by having the fans upload a corrupted version to several file sharing websites, claiming it was the actual album. About a year ago, I attempted to pirate Johnny Foreigner Vs. Everything. I did a quick Google search, downloaded the .rar file, unzipped it, hit play and-ffSSSssssssssSSSHHHHH. So I bought the album off iTunes. Maybe I wasn’t looking in the right places online. Maybe I had some money to blow. Maybe I was being lazy. None of that matters though, because there are many more lazy people with money to blow out there who would rather spend 10$ on an album than spend an extra half hour searching. And since then, I’ve bought several other albums.

EA recently released Sim City, a revamp (if you can call it that) of the series so far. I’m not going to turn this article into an EA hate rant, but they did quite a bit wrong with the digital rights management (DRM) in the most recent Sim City. EA put always online DRM in the game, which doesn’t seem like a big deal, but if you don’t have a stable internet connection, it’s a pain in the ass to play. If your internet goes down, your game stops working, even if you’re not playing multiplayer. Apparently, this is to combat piracy. This ends up hurting the consumer more than the pirate, because the pirate WILL find a way to get rid of the persistent online DRM. This is exactly how you do not go about getting rid of piracy. If you’re remotely involved in the gaming community, you’ve heard of Steam, a platform for purchasing and downloading videogames. Steam has DRM, but it’s minimally invasive. The only thing you need to play a game on Steam is the free Steam software and said game installed on your computer. Sure, the game might cost anywhere from $3 (£2) to $60 (£40) but you will always be able to play your games (aside from games packaged with third party DRM).

If you don’t want people to pirate your piece of media, either make it difficult to pirate without taking away consumer rights, or make it easier to buy. Of course, there will be people who pirate a game or film or aalbum because it is too expensive for them to purchase, but the only way to combat that is by lowering the price

The title should really say “still” love wrestling. After the age of like 13 or 14, you’re not really meant to be watching oily muscular dudes in small pants groping each other (unless you have certain fetishes). “Ugh wrestling, that’s gay/fake/stupid… that totally wouldn’t hurt… that rings all padded out” and so on and so forth. Like a damaged mp3.

Its the pagentry, huge theatre on a grand scale. Of course we know it’s not real, of course those punches are fake, of course Mark Calaway isn’t a undead mortician with a very nice hat. But then is Bryan Cranston really a meth lord? Is Andrew Lincoln trapped in a post apocalyptic zombie filled wasteland? Did Anne Hathaway really dream a dream in revolutionary France? No. If you can suspend your disbelief in order to believe Chris Hemsworth is a Norse god or Nicolas Cage isn’t crazy, or any piece of fiction, then taking a few hours to keep kayfabe alive is easy as a three count.

It’s “sports entertainment”, it’s the combination of drama and athletics. There are so many areas to appreciate in the sport; the creative side, the promo side, the technical side, the sheer power and will of the guys in the ring, the presumed death wishes of the highflyers. Of course it’s not always of the highest quality; 2007-2011 was a particularly dark age, the treatment of female wrestlers is terrible, in the big federations anyway, and TNA (WWE’s single big competitor in the modern landscape) regularly likes to shit on any steps forward it might take by giving the spotlight to Hulk Hogan (he’s 59 years old and the same colour as an oak tree, give it up man), but most fans and critics believe we’re onto something good right now.

Wrestling is a cyclical business, with booms and busts like every industry. The golden years of Hulkamania, Macho Man Randy Savage, The Horsemen, The Million Dollar Man, Andre The Giant were followed by the New Generation dip caused by steroid scandals, the ship-jumping of stars from WWE to WCW, and the general lack of creativity in many of the characters. What came next was the most successful and feted period of wrestling history; the Attitude Era. WWE became more raunchy, dangerous and hardcore to combat WCW’s higher ratings, resulting in the stardom of Stone Cold, The Rock, Goldberg, Sting, DDP, Chris Jericho, Triple H, Kane, Mick Foley, Booker T, Kurt Angle and countless others. If you were of a certain age or over at the time, you’ll remember it vividly; the business was a true crossover phenomenon. It was cool to wear your Austin 3:16 t-shirt, kids were mock-grappling in school playgrounds across the world (a confession: I once knocked two friends out for a few minutes with a Crossface and a Superkick. Where’s my title shot?), there’ll never be anything quite like it again.

The Attitude Era saw WCW go broke and get bought up by WWE, ending all forms of competition for the ‘E. It also led to the seamless transition into Ruthless Aggression (not as adult as the previous few years, but still edgy) which, thanks in part to Linda McMahon’s failed senate campaigns, led to the despised PG Era. I know, it seems ridiculous for a company built on physical violence to be consciously aimed towards young children, but hey, that’s where the dollar is. In PG World, John Cena was king, edge and unpredictability were outlawed and everything was utterly stale. Thankfully, the company seems to be sliding into something of a “reality era” right now, blurring the lines between real and kayfabe, using social media to further storylines, and allowing more shoot angles (unscripted promos and in-ring action). With this move comes a lot of old fans previously put off by the kiddie-oriented content, along with a promising roster of up-and-coming stars who deserve the successes of 10-15 years ago. Hell, even the video game version are improving; WWE ‘13 was probably the best since Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain, and with 2K Sports making them from now on, there’s going to be more where that came from.

But it’s not just the bright lights of the WWE which deserve your attention. The “minor leagues” of wrestling provide some of the best entertainment on the planet right now. Ring Of Honor, the company where such current ‘E stars like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan got their breaks, provides the right balance between pure wrestling perfection and backstage drama to appeal to older fan sensibilities, whilst CHIKARA specialises in the flamboyant high-flying lucha libre style which has faded from mainstream wrestling. Shimmer showcases that women’s wrestling can be a lot more than just hair-pulling and gratuitous flesh, and CZW is the one place to visit if you pine for the return of ECW (seriously, their Cage Of Death matches… insane).

If you’re completely unfamiliar with the workings of the squared circle, then a) I commend you for reading through this much marking out and b) you’re going to need somewhere to start when it comes to immersing yourself in wrestling. What follows are the best matches this writer has experienced (which are mostly WWE-based, because I’m a biased bugger) or at least, the parts I can find on Youtube.

• Kevin Steen v El Generico - ROH Final Battle 2012
• Undertaker v HHH - Special Guest Referee: Shawn Michaels - Wrestlemania 28, 2012
• CM Punk v John Cena - WWE Money In The Bank 2011
• CM Punk v John Cena - WWE Raw, 25/02/2013
• Ric Flair v Shawn Michaels - Wrestlemania 24, 2008
• The Rock v Stone Cold Steve Austin - Wrestlemania 17, 2001 (bonus: the best damn pre-match promo ever)
• Kurt Angle v Shane McMahon - King Of The Ring 2001
• Undertaker v Shawn Michaels - Wrestlemania 26, 2010
• Dolph Ziggler v Daniel Bryan - WWE Raw, 2012
• The Shield v Team Hell No & Ryback - WWE TLC 2012
• Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle - Wrestlemania XX, 2004
• And as a bonus: the thing that brought me back to wrestling after five years, CM Punk’s incendiary, infamous shoot of 2011

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet in the last few days, you’ll have heard about two things; Disney buying Lucasfilm from George Lucas (with enough money to build an actual Death Star), and their plan to release a new Star Wars trilogy in 2015. This is huge news in pop culture terms considering how influential and loved the original three films are, and how reviled and poor the prequels are considered. Reaction to the news of Disney’s Star Wars has mixed to say the least; fanboys have raged, rants have been angrily thrased out onto the net and hundreds of jokes have been made, but is a Disney Star Wars that bad a thing?

You can’t help but think that some people are convinced Episode VII, VIII and IX will genuinely star Mickey Mouse, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Donald Duck and the rest of those cartoon characters, judging by their revulsion upon hearing the news. Yes, Disney is the cultural superpower, responsible for the happy childhood memories of billions, with a huge global fanbase and instantly recognisable iconography, things that have slipped into everyday useage, but… actually, wait, that sounds familiar. It’s almost sounds like I’m describing the Star Wars franchise itself. Hmmm.

A lot of the naysayers have casually glossed over the fact that Disney owns Marvel, and has done for several years. But, you might ask, what has Disney done with it? Well, Phase One of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, including Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, and The Avengers itself, all within three years, and now we’re moving on to Phase 2. to Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, an Ant-Man movie and even a Guardians of the Galaxy Movie in the next few years, as well as Joss Whedon’s S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series. If anything, I think that qualifies Disney to take the reigns from ol’ George, especially when you consider the company kept its fingerprints off the MCU, allowing the creative minds involved to blossom both in front and behind the camera. The Disney billions help to make this incredibly ambitious project a reality; fans of The Avengers thought a film version of their comic heroes to be impossible, but now look where we are.

And now the case against Lucas. The man is a pioneer and a technical visionary of the film world, but he’s not the greatest scriptwriter or director. Hell, he’s probably not in the top 30 for either category. He directed and wrote A New Hope, and co-wrote Return Of The Jedi, along with writing the stories for the Indiana Jones trilogy, but he was completely in control of the prequels and look how they turned out. The Phantom Menace has nostalgic charm for this writer, and Darth fuckin’ Maul, but these positives are countered by terrible plotting, yawnsome dialogue and Jar Jar Binks; Attack Of The Clones is the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry, and Revenge Of The Sith, whilst the best of the prequel trilogy, is hampered by, yes, weak writing and Hayden Christiansen’s godawful performance (sidenote: I was curious to see what Christiansen’s upto these days, so a quick look over at IMDB later and it appears he hasn’t worked on anything of not since Episode III. Seems turning to the Dark Side didn’t quite work out). But thankfully Lucas has been reduced to a mere creative consultant in the production of this trilogy, and has mapped out the trilogy’s story, but will leave the screenwriting and directing to others.

So what now? Well speculation of course! A report that popped up at E! Online yesterday quoting a Lucasfilm source as saying the new films aren’t going to be based on the existing Star Wars books, rather that “it’s an original story”. This should come as something of a relief as the franchise’s extended universe can be rather hit-and-miss (with what seems like every character who appeared onscreen at any point having a full in-depth back-story given to them), so it’s sensible to create instead of adapt. But Darth Vader’s dead, as is Yoda, as is The Emperor, Luke and Leia are in their 50s, Han’s even older, Chewbacca’s probably being used as a carpet; it’s a mindscratcher thinking of what could possibly be carried over from the original trilogy as a connecting point. The main point could be the fact that the Empire may have lost its figurehead, but it still remains in power throughout the galaxy One idea being thrown around in fan discussions is Luke becoming the Obi-Wan figure and training Han & Leia’s son to be a Jedi, which isn’t half bad. Whatever George Lucas comes up with, we hope he’s found his Midas touch once more. Oh, and one more thing: please, for the love of R2D2, don’t cast Shia LeBeouf.

The second instalment of our Most Frightening Film Moments list in the run-up to Halloween. Beware of spoilers…

Se7en (1997)
Se7en is David Fincher’s masterful melding of thriller, horror and film-noir, and has some truly chilling bits through its running time (the custom strap-on, for one), but none more than the discovery of the Sloth victim, for both what is seen onscreen, and the implications. As Tyler Durden, God and Doctor Cox… sorry, Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman and John C. McGinley descend upon an apartment, believing it to be the location of the biblically-influenced serial killer, they encounter musty rooms curiously filled with air-fresheners, before arriving on a figure hidden under sheets on the bed. Revealed to be just another of John Doe’s victims, the Sloth is emaciated and covered in scars, having been strapped to his bed for exactly a year. Despite being a known drug dealer and child molester, it’s not hard to feel some sympathy on account of the torturous existence the Sloth has lived for 365 days. And then he wakes up…

[REC] (2007)
Rec is a little known treat, a Spanish found-footage film and one of the best horrors of modern times. The tension just builds and builds relentlessly over its relatively short length, reaching near-unbearable levels at the climax in the penthouse. Whilst that final ten minutes is undoubtedly the highlight of the film, a massive jump scare takes everyone by surprise, no matter how many times they’ve seen the film. Whilst the residents of the doomed apartment block squabble and debate on the ground floor, they forget one of their number, fireman Alex, is missing, still dealing with the rabid, feral old woman upstairs. I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise too much, but let’s just say Alex is brought back to the forefront of the group’s thoughts with a thud.

Buried (2011), The Mist (2008), Saw (2004)
These three films are here not for their onscreen scares (although Saw has a fair few), but for the inference of what happens once the credits roll. The endings act All three hit the point of no return, and their climaxes are so relentlessly bleak, especially after respective hope spots in each; they’re theatrical gutpunches and piss on the chips of anyone who expects their films to have a happy ending.

The Shining (1980)
In this writer’s opinion, The Shining is the greatest horror film of all time. It may not have the body count or bloodshed of more recent films, but Stanley Kubrick crafted a chilling epic over which debates still rage to this day (for instance, check out the upcoming Room 237, a video essay on what The Shining is supposedly really all about). There’s a glut of moments to choose from when it comes to picking the film’s most terrifying, but the one thing that lifts and enhances them is Wendy Carlos’ haunting soundtrack. From the foreboding opening march which follows Jack Torrance’s drive to the Overlook Hotel, to those eerie woodblock hits; a school music lesson staple has never been so chilling. And that cacophony of voices as the blood pours from the elevator, an iconic moment made so by the choice of soundtrack. It would’ve been easy to go for “Heeeere’s Johnny!”, Redrum, the bloody elevator, the woman in the bathtub and all the rest, but it’s the soundtrack which gives Kubrick’s sole venture into the horror genre its nightmare-inducing edge.

American History X (1998)
There are some scenes from films which stick with you for months, years, and maybe even your whole life. Even if the rest of American History X has faded from memory, everyone remembers one particular moment. It’s a moment that makes everyone wince and gurn when recalling it; the curb-stomp. All the gore and graphic ephemera in the world can’t out-shock the sight of Edward Norton’s neo-Nazi thug bringing his foot down upon the head of a black gang-member who’s mouth is clamped around the curb. Even just the thought of the man’s teeth on the concrete is enough to make me cross my legs in pain and empathy. It’s a completely blunt and brutal moment, delivered by a blunt and brutal character.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Less is more, as the saying goes. So whilst modern directors splatter the walls with blood and crank the Psycho strings up to eleven, Stanley Kubrick once again tops the table for effective spine-chilling. The entire idea of HAL 9000 is quite scary in itself; a sentient machine doing whatever it can to survive, but the supercomputer reaches his apex, a blue screen of death, in fact, with his first kill. After lip-reading a conversation between astronauts David Bowman and Frank Poole about whether or not to disconnect him, HAL tricks Frank into replacing a supposedly faulty part on the outside of the Discovery spacecraft. HAL’s murder of Frank is downright terrifying for several reasons; the ominous sight of the ship’s EVA pod turning of its own accord, its clamps opening in preparation, the actual act of HAL cutting Frank’s oxygen tube (the one thing keeping him anchored to the ship) with one of the pods occurs off-screen, the sudden stop of the sound Frank’s breathing (which is heard for several minutes beforehand, making its disappearance all the more evident), his panicked fumbling as he drifts helplessly through space (a presumably very real fear for this upcoming age of space-tourism), and the jumpcuts to the cold, unfeeling red sensor of HAL. Positively chilling.

Donnie Darko (2000)
Similarly to The Shining, Donnie Darko is a film to be discussed for decades to come. I’ve seen it at least six or seven times, and I still find myself puzzled over the why, how and what of Richard Kelly’s film. It’s not a straight-up horror film in that it scares you immediately (well, Frank’s rabbit costume is unsettling), instead incorporating elements of the genre subtly  The horror, for me personally, comes from the slow realisation after the film finishes that Donnie’s actions for the good in the alternate timeline have now been erased, which means he never burned down Jim Cummingham (Patrick Swayze)’s house, revealing Cunningham to be a paedophile, thus protecting his little sister and her dance troupe from him. It’s a realisation to put one hell of a dampener on your day.

Funny Games (1997 & 2007)
Michael Haneke’s decision to remake his 1997 horror deconstruction Funny Games, shot-for-shot, but in English, is a bit of an odd one. Both versions are identical, except for cast and language, which means it’s two-for-one on this creepy moment. The films centre around two psychopathic young men, who invade the home of a plain-white-bread nuclear family, for no other reason than shits & giggles. The premise plays on a very natural fear most people have, but what pushes it over the edge is the first moment one of the psychos breaks through the fourth wall, looking dead into the camera, smug as humanly possible. It’s unexpected, unsettling and makes us, the audience, question why we’re watching this take place. We’re just as implicit in the crimes as the two young men in white, we’re letting it take place by letting that world live in our imaginations. No one wants to feel guilty when watching a movie, and this first glance to camera lets us know hell is about to break loose.

In celebration of Halloween, we here at Hitsville are compiling our favourite fright-inducing film moments for you lot. But, and here’s the twist, we’re not sticking just to horror films; we’re casting the net wider, as there are some pretty haunting and terrifying things in a lot of films outside that genre (a fact you’ll know if you’re a fan of David Lynch films), things that might not be too apparent til long after the credits have rolled. Without further ado, here’s part one…

Audition (1999)
After being lulled into a sense of security for the first hour or so, (This is a romantic comedy, right!?) this Japanese flick takes a disturbing turn. The last twenty minutes is so intense, I remember literally sweating watching it. Scariest moment? When we realize our “heroine”, Asami is going to saw off poor Aoyama’s foot with a goddamn wire saw! Or how about when she decides to stick needles in his eyes? Take your pick. It’s all a rich tapestry of torture-based fear. “Kiri! Kiri! Kiri!”

The Thing (1982)
John Carpenter’s 1982 classic has it’s fair share of genuine shock scares, but none got me quite as good as the blood test scene. Kurt Russel and co. decide to conduct a blood test to see who’s blood will react, thus making them “The Thing”, essentially. And when Palmer’s blood sample literally jumps out of the container, hell, do we know who it is. This scare is all about timing. Instead of slow building tension, the scare comes so abruptly, interrupting dialogue and scares the living shit out of you. Classic Carpenter.

Eraserhead (1977)
The most dreamlike, nay, nightmarish film you will ever see. Eraserhead can prove to be a tough watch if you’re not already well acquainted with David Lynch’s bizarre style of filmmaking. And even at that… The scariest bit arguebly being the mutant baby crying. It’s never fair to call a child ugly, but we’ll make an exception here. And the thing just never stops WAILING. Wailing and wailing. Terrifying stuff. Lynch suceeded. Nightmares guaranteed.

Inland Empire (2006)
Lynch again here. His unstructured, uncategorised approach to making films just seems to work when it comes to frightening the audience. Inland Empire is EASILY his most confusing. And it rivals Eraserhead for weirdest, again being extremely dreamlike. The most frightening bit this time though, is a jump scare more than anything. In a moment of madness, Laura Dern’s laughing face is thrown right in front of the screen, leaving room for virtually nothing else. It’s massive, it’s distorted, it’s un-human, yet human-like all at once. It’s haunting and it made me jump like a little bitch.

Alien (1979)
No scary moments list is compete with Alien. And yes, I’m not going to be original here. It is indeed the chestburster scene. If you haven’t seen the movie already, you probably shouldn’t be reading this, but then again, if you haven’t seen the movie, what the fuck are you doing with your life? After an unpleasant encounter with a facehugger, John Hurt experiences some discomfort after dinner. Heartburn maybe? No. In one of the most infamous, horifying and unforgettable scenes of all-time, the man gives birth to a baby xenomorph in the most unpleasant way possible. Being ripped from the inside out. It’s a truly original idea, and executed in a truly horrifying manner. Movie theatres everywhere were Heart Attack City.

[REC] (2007)
Easily one of the best horror movies of the last decade or so, and certainly one of the best uses of the “found footage” sub-genre style, REC is a beast of film. The tension is so high throughout, it’s near-unbearable, and the scares are pretty relentless. As if we weren’t scared enough after an hour, the film saves it’s best scares for last. The last scene sees our survivors stuck in a room with THE most terrifying of zombie-like creatures, as she drags a hammer, ready to do who know’s what to our heroes. The most terrifying, and admittedly genius part of this is [SPOILERS FOR REC 2!] that the zombie can only be seen in the dark, specfically through the cameraman’s nightvision. Put yourself in this position. Just IMAGINE it. Jesus Christ.

Requiem For A Dream (2000)
One of the few non-horror films on this list, but that most definitely does not make it any less scary. Requiem For A Dream is a film about how four people’s live’s get ruined by drugs. And it is, without a doubt, the most realistic, gritty, and frightening drug film I’ve ever seen. The most unforgettabley unpleasant scene for me has to be when Jennifer Connolly’s character is forced to put her body on display for a less than tasteful audience, and has to resort to the worst kinds of sexual acts in order to satisfy her drug craving. We won’t go into grave details, but let’s just say it involves a double sided sex toy and ass to ass “combat”, if you will. It’s all so gritty, and REAL. Scariest thing? This could happen to you.

Before I get started in to this, if you’re a narrow minded metal fan then this is not the article for you. Also stop giving the rest of us a bad name. Now to get started.

It dawned on me the other day that metal really isn’t a genre nearly half as much as it is a lifestyle anymore, but even then the values are kind of mixed up by some people. The reason this all dawned on me though was Asking Alexandria. Now personally I’ve not heard enough of them to form a full opinion, but I know that they can be pretty heavy. Their song “The Final Episode” came on Scuzz and my friend’s first reaction was “Why are those chavs trying to be metal?”

I ended up quickly quizzing her on why they were chavs and her answers were how cheesy the gang vocals in the background were, not to mention the part where it basically becomes a pop song for a few seconds and that the main lyrics are “Oh my god!” which she also thinks is very cheesy, which I agree with. After that Killswitch Engage came on and she was more than happy to listen to them. When I asked her why she had no comments to make now despite AA’s riffs in the previous song sounding like the were taken straight from a Killswitch album, she said that Asking Alexandria just came across as chavs or emos at the least. So apparently heaviness isn’t an issue on what is or isn’t metal anymore.

So is being metal in the way you look? If that’s the case then I guess tattoos, long hair, jeans etc are what is metal? Well apparently not. Sepultura (in the old days when both Max and Igor Cavelera were running the show) normally wore Addidas hi-tops, track suit bottoms and maybe a vest. Anthrax did the same only with shorts, and they were one’ve “The Big Four”.

Back to my point in heaviness not being an issue. I stated that my friend found Asking Alexandria cheesy, but yet Dragonforce to her and many more are considered metal as hell. Do both bands use synthesizers? Yes. Dragonforce more so, and to a lot of people until only a few years ago; synths are not metal. Are both bands cheesy? Yes. One of them is Dragonforce though, and they are possibly the cheesiest thing to exist since Cheddar (By the way, I’ve seen Dragonforce live twice so I’m not hating on them for no reason). Which band is heavier? Asking Alexandria by far. Last question; Are both bands metal? Well that depends on who you ask really. A lot will say yes to both, but you’ll get more people trying to justify how Dragonforce are metal and Asking Alexandria aren’t because they’re screamo or whatever other nonsense they can spew. So what have Dragonforce got that Asking Alexandria don’t? Guitar solos. Big, long, complicated yet almost always similar guitar solos, and apparently that is what makes a band metal. Sure even Metallica; arguably THE metal band were almost banished from the metal community for having no guitar solos on St. Anger (amongst other problems). So that’s it solved then right? To be metal you need guitar solos? Well… no.

If that were the case Bring me the Horizon would be safe, but we all know that they’re a crappy band for 13 year old girls to listen to while the pretend to like metal to get guys. Or at least that’s what some metal fans would have you believe. The same can be said for Nickleback, but nobody likes them anyway so it doesn’t matter. Although it does. I’ve seen Nickelback live and they put on both a fantastic, and a surprisingly heavy show complete with a video tribute to Dimebag Darrell followed with “Side of a Bullet” (a song written by the band in honour of Dimebag after he was shot on stage) with a guitar solo actually played and recorded by Dimebag himself being played over the PA. So not only did they play a song with Dimebag (in a way) but they also introduced a bunch of people who only came to the show to hear “Rockstar” to the former guitar player of Damageplan and Pantera. If that’s not metal I don’t know what is, and honestly I don’t think very many people do anymore.

Do you?

It’s universally agreed upon that Christopher Nolan pulled off something extraordinary with both his Batman films and the superhero genre on the whole. I can only hope he’s set a benchmark to which other superhero films aspire, and when the time comes that Hollywood finds a new Knight; the one it deserves, just doesn’t need right now, we can dream and hope that the next iteration of the Caped Crusader’s big screen appearance avoids the bat-nipple-shaped mistakes of the past. As a person who loves Nolan, Batman, and films, I’ve obviously got an opinion on how to follow up the Dark Knight trilogy.

BRING BACK THE SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS
If we accept the Dark Knight saga as a series of crime thrillers, and that DC want their Justice League film, then it must be that the next Batman has to clearly veer closer a regular superhero film. Tone down Nolan’s hyper-realism and bring in foes that the Bat can’t just beat with his fists. Imagine the whole of Gotham, under the mind-control throes of Black Mask, pursuing the Knight – or better – Poison Ivy bringing a plant-based apocalypse to large portions of the city. Clayface, Mr Freeze, an actually immortal Ra’ Al Ghul… if you make the baddies harder, then Batman by extension has to become harder. An unhuman challenge for an extraordinary human to overcome.

DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN
Nolan’s Batman was dark and gritty, but it could’ve had more impact. I’m not necessarily talking about adding more gore, boobs and swearing (though we can all agree, seeing the Bat effing and jeffing as he fights crime would be quite something), but intensify the hold that crime has on Gotham. Show us what these gangs and mobs are doing to the honest citizens. If possible, the inclusion of a far more psychotic, manic Joker whose grip on reality is even looser than Heath Ledger’s masterful take, would go some way to portraying a true-to-source Gotham.

NO ORIGINS
Please please please. The death of Bruce Wayne’s parents leading to him becoming Batman is almost as widely known as the fact that night follows day, it doesn’t really need to be shown again. The Amazing Spider-Man made the mistake of telling us once more why Peter Parker became Spidey and the film suffered for it; we can’t have a new Batman series befall the same dull fate.

BREAK THE BAT (AGAIN)
Instead of three separate episodes of chaos in Gotham, how about a stringed together trilogy of Batman films, with Gotham sent into a downward spiral of madness in the first film and only restored to its former self (or maybe not) by the third, perhaps with years-long war against the world’s supervillains taking a brutal toll on Mr. Wayne (á la Knightfall).

HARLEY QUINN!
I’m a big fan of Harley Quinn and I think she’s the ultimate counterpoint to the Joker, an absolutely crucial supporting role in Batman movies. Her obsession with the Clown Prince would be an excellent mirror to Bruce Wayne’s own, and Harley also doubles the threat level; an equally psychotic second-in-command constantly present, instead of the third act bad guy reveal often used by Nolan (Ducard in Begins, Dent in The Dark Knight and Tate in Rises)

I think it’d be damned hard to make a solid Batman film without feeling like an imitator of Nolan’s trilogy, (if no filmmaker steps up to the mantle, at some point I’ll have enough ideas written down to volunteer!) but of the names thrown around, including Darren Aronofsky and Nicolas Winding Refn, we’re sure to have another hotly anticipated Bat-film.

“This is a story of boy meets girl.”

So says the narrator in the opening sequence of (500) Days of Summer; “but you should know up front, this is not a love story”. This could refer to any number of themes within the film, such as gender role-reversal between Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel) and Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) or the fact that the ideology of ‘love’ in romantic comedies is not adhered to. On the other hand, it could mean that from the beginning of the film, the audience is aware that this is not a classic linear narrative as often found in romantic comedies; it is quite literally not a love story. Instead, those of you who have seen the film will know its non-chronological structure uses each scene as one day in Tom & Summer’s five hundred day long relationship. But is this narrative structure merely a gimmick as some critics have suggested or an innovative choice that refreshes the long-stale romantic comedy genre?

For starters, the characters are quite unconventional in the romcom world. Okay, they’re still young, white and attractive, but that’s Hollywood’s problem. You’ll see very few indie kids/hipsters in a big romantic comedy; there won’t be any mention on The Smiths either, and the lead couple won’t be seen shouting “PENIS!” in a crowded park. Perhaps the ever-growing cult popularity of the film is partially responsible to mainstream taking a bit more notice of alternatives to the norm.

One other thing that (500) Days does differently is that shows the difference between the content of what is told to us in the narration and what is shown onscreen. For instance, very early on in the film, we see a scene between Tom and Summer; they’re sat on a bench, holding hand and smiling at each other with an engagement ring on Summer’s finger. This one shot, along with the evidence that this comes late on in film’s “timeline” connotes the intimacy and the happy ending we’re used to seeing in romcoms. But hang on a second, haven’t we just been told that there is no happy ending for these two? Already, (500) Days is playing with and creating conflict between is shown and told, audience expectations and narrative conventions.

This conflict sustained throughout and also used for comedy value. Take one of the film’s most iconic scenes; after the couple have sex for the first time Day 34, Tom walks to work, soundtracked by Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams”, as passers-by begin a dance number. There’s lip-syncing, cheesy dance moves, Disney birds and a Han Solo cameo; it’s what every guy (would like to) experience after sex with the girl of their dreams. Tom finally reaches work, enters the lift just as the doors close, and when they open again an intertitle transports us to Day 300, giving us a wonderful jump cut to a downbeat, bedraggled, post-breakup Tom shuffling out of that same lift. This has a comedic effect as Tom has gone from overwhelmingly happy to depressed in a short space of time, swung from one emotional extreme to the other; but also creates tradegy and sympathy for Tom. Anyone can relate to that just-dumped feeling. By using intertitles, to pass the time quickly and to compare & contrast, the film undermines Tom’s fantasy of love as fleeting. The notion of everlasting love, which romantic comedies thrive on, has been undermined.

And this is not the only way that the film’s structure undermines Tom’s view of love (gained from a total misreading of The Graduate). The narrator tells us toward the beginning of the film that “most days of the year are unremarkable… most days have no impact on the course of a life”; but because the film is cut up into segments of days, it exaggerates how each day does in fact have an impact on the overall course of the characters’ romance and lives. The audience has more awareness of Tom and his actions than Tom himself. Often this invokes dramatic irony, making Tom’s viewpoint within the film redundant since, unlike the audience, he is not aware of the causality between the different narrative days. For instance, early in the film on Day 154, a montage of images of Summer is narrated by Tom pointing out the different aspects of Summer he loves; “I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps” and declaring he loves her. Later in the film, on Day 32, the same montage is repeated, except now Tom hates all these things about Summer he saw positively before (“I HATE THIS SONG!”). As the character of Rachel, Tom’s little sister and probably the wisest person in the film, suggests to Tom, once their romance is over he becomes an unreliable narrator, remembering only the good things, and nothing he doesn’t want to. Perhaps this is the purpose behind the film’s narrative structure; to show the ambiguity and absurdity of the love story through informing the audience moreso than the main characters.

As well as changing the audiences’ ideas of the love ‘story’, (500) Days challenges critics too. One complaint from those who enjoy romcoms is that critics of the genre place too much emphasis and focus on the memorable happy ending, with the rest of the narrative disappearing from critical discussion, especially of the middle section. By placing the events of Tom & Summer’s romance in non-linear structure, the film in fact places importance of the oft-forgotten middle section. Unlike conventional linear films, the audience has to actively link the events in the middle of the film and organise them into a linear sequence within their own minds in order to create the overall story; making some sense of what they’re seeing on screen. A prime example of this is the reappearance of Day 488 at the end of the film. Beforehand, this had alluded to the stereotypical ‘romcom happy ending’ for the couple. It not until this scene is shown again that the true interpretation of the ending and the overall story can be pieced together; we’ve already been told Summer is engaged to someone other than Tom, a short while after the two broke up. When you look at Day 488 for a second time, you begin to notice the mise-en-scene of the autumnal setting; the grey clouds and the character’s black outfits suggests an unhappy ending, if we believe the standard romcom rules.

Yet, in some ways (500) Days is still your typical love ‘story’. I would argue that it can only try to break from the normal narrative structure because the conventions, cliches and tropes of romantic comedies as well as classic linear romances has been so thoroughly repeated, so the audience already has pre-conceived assumptions and expectations. The narrative structure of romantic comedies have been described as tired and predictable, widely depicted as slavish and formulaic, adhering to well-worn and obvious conventions. It’s the simple equation of “boy meets girl; boy and girl face obstacles in their union; boy and girl conquer obstacles to find true love”; it’s essentially Romeo & Juliet… without the suicidal ending. Let’s not forget that the narrator reminds us “this is not a story of boy meets girl” showing the film’s awareness of such narrative conventions through the use of three simple words. However, it is only because an audience is to this familiar narrative structure, and furthermore the linear narrative structure in most films, that (500) Days of Summer can subvert this. Like another alt-romantic comedy of recent years, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, it eschews the preoccupations of the rom-com even while being understood as belonging to the genre, and this can mostly be accredited to its non-linear narrative structure.

So is (500) Days gimmicky? Toby Young, critic and source writer of another conventional/unconventional romcom in How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, commented that “taking the best bits from other movies and rearranging them in a non-linear sequence does not make for an original film”. Either way, (500) Days of Summer has prompted questions of the love ‘story’ and we can only look at films in the future to see if it will reinvigorate the genre.

Neutral Milk Hotel – Oh Comely
Unlike most people Neutral Milk Hotel’s cult hit In the Aeroplane Over the Sea wasn’t the first thing I heard by the Elephant 6 quartet. The lesser known On Avery Island was my first experience of demi-god Jeff Mangum and his band but boy, when I did finally get around to hearing Aeroplane how it changed my life. Oh Comely is the longest track on the album, coming in at 8 minutes, and has a monotonous feel to it which, in a strange way, is probably part of the reason I became a big fan of drone. Mangum’s vocals are harsh and strained at times but having an almost soothing quality and with lyrics like “thunderous sparks from the dark of the stadiums/the music and medicine you needed for comforting” an unsettling atmosphere is created at the drop of a hat. I was lucky enough to go to this year’s All Tomorrow’s Parties curated by Mangum and, because of him, discovered a plethora of amazing bands as well as seeing some personal favourites.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Providence 
Before Godspeed You! Black Emperor my experiences with post-rock had been beautiful but fleeting, only just skimming the surface. Even after listening to the band’s notable classic Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven it took hearing F# A# ∞, their second record, for it to truly click with me. Providence is the final track on the three-song album and is one minute short of being half an hour long. It starts with field recordings and a voice asking “do you think the end of the world is coming?”. This simple question describes the whole theme of the record – apocalyptic. The voice is soon replaced by strings and horns which build up into a storm-like frenzy. This track also wins the award for creepiest sung mantra – “where are you going/where are you going/where are you going/where are you going” - which comes in at around 16 minutes. Hauntingly spooky, I owe Godspeed and this track a thank you for guiding me deeper into the atmospheric world of post-rock.

Animal Collective – Bat You’ll Fly
I’ve been listening to Animal Collective since the tender age of 14 and for that reason they hold a special place in my heart. Bat You’ll Fly is featured on the Baltimore group’s first record Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished and is what started my love affair with the band and there interesting, inspired use of sound. Since then there has been a huge rise in Animal Collective sound-a-likes but none of them manage to pack the same punch as the originals. Without them I doubt I would have developed an interest in music like Sun Araw, Savaging Spires and Sleep ∞ Over.

Joanna Newsom – Only Skin
I don’t remember exactly when I first heard Joanna Newsom but I do know that she completely changed my view of what a song was and what a song could be. Only Skin is just one of the five masterpieces featured on Newsom’s second record Ys which is undoubtedly my favourite record of all time. Only Skin, the near 17 minute opus, is the record’s centrepiece however. Newsom, whose work never follows the standard verse-chorus-verse form, meshes several different sections of music over the whole track narrated by her unique voice. A storyteller in the true, original sense discovering her music opened the doors to much of the music I listen to today.